Shifting Mindset

Hey!
Been a while. Mind has been super fixated lately. On what? Potential jobs and opportunities. So due to my abandonment trauma, me waiting for anything can be an issue. Its not a want but a need. You ever see a kid waiting by the window for their parent to come home. That was me with my bio dad except he never did, even times when he was supposed to come pick me up. How does that the relate? The wait anxiety was always associated with a let-down, negativity. To try to prevent that pain my brain goes into hyper analysis mode trying to figure out what will happen at the end of the wait. To hopefully protect myself of that bad feeling that came every time my dad would cancel or just flat out not showed up. What's crazy is that I can function and do the majority of functions that need to get done. So I am functioning while my mind is in a flashback mode trying to prevent that little kid inside of me being let down by someone that should have been there for me.
This is not a post about shifting that mindset as I am not sure how to get out of it until I get the answer. The mindset shift the title refers to is how I am going to operate going forward. The last two years I have applied to numerous jobs with very little call back and no second interviews, despite my advanced degree and numerous years of experience. I applied to for-profit, non-profit, government and academia positions, most in that would fit my area. Last week, I got rejected for what will be the last time in my job search. I am fully committed to Equally Fit as the only path forward. Thats how it got started. No chances were given out of college to me for a life I wanted so I created my own path. Turns out that determination and persistence to create opportunity for myself because no one else would in the fitness industry, was the wrong way to go about because now I am either too niche or too overqualified for every position I have applied for. Its funny that I am considered niche when my education was far from it but whatever. This last job was literally starting up exactly what I have done my entire career and was told in interview I was overqualified followed by a rejection letter that said we're going with someone who fits better. How is there someone out there that's a better fit than someone who has already done it? And overqualified? So people don't deserve someone with a terminal degree? I have also been told I would get bored with jobs in interviews. I replied actually I wouldn't because I do not like all the aspects of being an entrepreneur and just training would be awesome. Still ghosted on that position. It wasn't just the wait that was draining, it was the constant creating different cover letters for specific positions, following up when I should not have to, seeing positions I wasn't even considered for open multiple times during the two years. All this just told me my unconventional path has made me unable to fit into a box. Not that I really fit in a box before, but even more now that I am a leader in the industry.
A weight has lifted in the first time in two years since I was unsure if I could still keep this up. Turns out I dont have the option just like back then.