Self-medication

A topic I don't really see brought up within the circles of the autistic community I am a part of is the prevalence of self-medication. Considering the levels of stress that comes with being in a world that does not quite understand you and sometimes feels like its attacking you can lead to trying to find ways to cope. This can come in many different forms that may end up being unhealthy if not dealt with a psychologist. 

Today, I'm going to talk about my addiction to tobacco. I started dipping tobacco at 16 years old when some friends at the time suggested I try it. Everyone was doing it, so I didn't really see it as wrong, and my uncle and grandfather did it so why not try it. From the very first time, it felt like my brain slowed down. That I could just exist. Like any addiction it started as a one-off thing that I did when it was available. Being under-age with no job, it was quite hard to just acquire for myself. So, I just bummed it off of friends that had it. Due to the stress of growing up and knowing now the enviroment I was living in, the usage slowly increased in the first year. This increase led me to start buying it myself. This meant trying numerous gas stations in the area sometimes just to find the one that would not card me. I even learned that if I was scruffy, it was easier to not get carded. However, I was still limited in the time I could use as I knew it would get me in big trouble at home if I wasn't careful and potential even worse if the very christian school I attended found out. This hiding of this habit should of been the first sign that this habit was taking a turn for the worse. Usage really started to go up after I turned 18, since it was legal and I could obtain it anywhere I wanted. Then I moved to college, where I had somewhat free reign to use whenever I wanted.

The first year of college, my usage increased significantly as stress from social situations and school increased significantly. I also started attending college parties where alcohol was being drunk. Ill recount my alcohol use in a later post, just know now that I have been sober for about 8 years and getting away from dipping was a big contributor to that. During college, I set up this routine where I would end up dipping 4-5 times a day. I'd wake up and dip, have one after lunch, one before dinner and one to cap off the night. The fifth would be in between somewhere depending on the stress of the day. This habit forced me to be less physically and socially active as I felt I needed to be in my dwelling place to do it due to the stigma I felt behind the habit. I am not sure when I first decided that this habit was detrimental to me, but I do remember trying to quit numerous times in college and not being able to go a day without it. 

My usage went down after graduating undergrad as I started working. Having to be in a specific location for long durations really slowed down the times I could dip. Though after about a year from school, I enrolled into graduate school and quit working to ensure that I stayed in due to having a conditional acceptance. Usage rate then increased back to where it was for the next couple years. Until I moved back home after a issue with my graduation. I started working again, now a full-time job. A full 8 hours away from a secluded place where I could not dip. Usage went down to just 2 times a day on weekdays. That year was quite stressful on me and went through had to feel some emotions I had not felt since my teenage years. During this year was when I decided to go and start doing business for myself.

Starting a business while dealing with emotions that you have not dealt with meant some of the most stressful days in that first year of the business. It also didn't help that I decided to just quit dipping because my position of a personal trainer, I felt it would be a bad look if I did not have healthy habits myself. I tried cold turkey, nope. I tried the gum, nope. I tried replacement dip, nope. Then I took a swing at the patches. It was really tough because even the patch with the most nicotine in it didn't satiate any part of the addiction. Thankfully, it worked just enough to wear after the first couple weeks, I just went cold turkey. That should have been another sign I was addicted. If I put my mind to something it gets done, the fact that I struggled so long with quiting and that once the nicotine levels in me decreased significantly, I could just stop. However the stress stayed and started to give me panic attacks. These panic attacks got me to the point where I knew I would eventually turn back to dipping, so I took the chance and went to a therapist. I was taught in therapy the reasoning for the stress I was going through and that it was natural and given many healthier modalities to deal with it so that I could function properly enough to live a life worth living.

I still do a lot of those stress relieving strategies on a daily basis because I know at any point the curiosity of using could get me to go out and get a can of dip. Hopefully my story can help others realize that its not too late or impossible to get out of very unhealthy habits.

​Til next tine- Dr. Mark