Have you ever heard of the 4 F's of trauma. Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn. These are ways people react to traumatizing events. Everyone responds with each one depending on the trigger of the trauma but we typical have a go to.
My go to is to freeze. This does not mean I'm not productive or I just stop moving all together. This is more my mind feels frozen. It can't stop trying to process situations. Telling me I cannot move forward unless this thing happens. I found out my go to F and why I do it a couple years ago when I was suggested to read a book on Complex PTSD by my therapist. I'll probably share a book review on it another time.
So, I grew up in a home where my stepbrother had pretty violent tendencies, so I learned very early on that fight was not much of an option. Not that it was not triggered, just that it was less likely to help the situation I was in. I also did not believe I could fly, though I did wonder off. The times I did was met pretty swiftly. That wasn't an option. I stayed in my own head due to being autistic so did not even process to fawn. That left me to freeze. Anytime anything changed in the moods in the house, I would freeze. I stayed playing video games. Any sort of feeling was pushed down and later self-medicated to help avoid the urge to fight or flight. I thought getting out of that environment would help but turns out it can be heavily influenced by too new of environments.
As I write these pieces detailing aspects of my past, I find myself completely writing out my history. Guess that's what happens when so many things are intertwined. Not getting back into my story too heavily.
Due to situations, I have found myself back in this mode lately. Freezing as I wait for things to occur, just as I waited for my real dad to come pick me up when he didn't or at least come around. Part of me writing this is to get me out of the freeze. To feel productive as I wait for things to pan out or not. I'm not writing about this because I have any answers to this, but I feel this stuff needs to be talked about more within our community. If you have ways you get out of your F. Let me know in the comments below.
Til next time- Dr. Mark

If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed I went to the gym this week and as I pulled up my program on my app, I discovered that I was on break this week from the program. This is because I work out 6 days out of the week and while I may progress through out that duration. There comes a time when the body breaks down and needs a rest. Think of it like an off season for sports. This does not mean I am not physical activity just not active to the degree I usually am. So what do I do when I have a rest week.

I stretch daily. This not only releases most of the tension built up from the previous program but it resets the muscles to help give more power when I get back. This also typically releases a lot of emotional stress as well and ends up breaking down with a cathartic cry.

I go on walks. Walking ensures some level of activity is being done and since I typically go outside away from the gym, I get a chance to bask in all that nature has to offer. This connection is good for your wellbeing as being indoors can get you feeling stuffy.

I reduce my caloric intake and enjoy some treats. My diets typically has me munching on various carbs towards the end of day to fulfill my energy needs. During a rest week, I stop this and add in a treat when I have a hankering. This breaks up what is typically a boring diet and gives me something to look forward to during the work out phases.

I meditate more. Exercise and working out builds up stress on the body as well as relieves it. Meditating for longer periods allows me to reduce some daily stress that working out took away. It also allows me to connect deeper to myself during a slower type week.

If you take breaks in between long workout periods, what are some of the things you do to replace it?

Til next time- Dr. Mark

Growing a business focused on disability and being an autism advocate, sometimes my blogs will be rants about certain topics. Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Autistic signaling is when an autistic person or family member points out an issue within either society or the autistic community that needs to be resolved. This is great to raise awareness for issues. However, it comes across as whiny behavior that in the end does not help anyone. A lot of social media "autism" influencers have gained massive notoriety being signalers. However very few actually come to the table to help resolve them.

An example being is that they complain about autism organizations not including autistic individuals but don't try to actual join. And once you have attacked someone as being wrong, you really think they'll consider you joining them? Does not matter how right you are. Back in 2021, this was a huge topic. I saw it everywhere and it infuriated me because, to me, it's a simple fix. Just join and work from the inside to create the change you want to see. I am also a problem solver, so I did that in my area. I chose to start in my area because, I believe we must change our area to change the world. I joined an organization whose rules at that time were to include one autistic person on their board. At the time this was implemented, it was very progressive. However, by the time I joined it needed to change because due to whatever reason, there seemed to only be one autistic person on the board at any given time. This made it feel tokeny. Knowing the people on and around the organization, this was far from the truth. While still helping this organization on their mission, I made it my mission to get as many qualified autistic people as possible on the board that I could. In the first year, I had tripled the amount of autistic board members. In my third year on the board, I became the boards first autistic chair and had grown the autistic representation to 50%. I also help found an initiative in 2021 with an ABA company to employ autistic individuals and not just recruited but also vetted the individuals for specific jobs within the company. I am proud to say that the first two I recruited are still employed with that company.

So how do we get from signaling to solving? 
Ask questions. Most people know there may not be a solid solution and just need to be heard so asking questions that entice the individual to think deeply about the subject.
Listen. I mean truly listen. Again its more than likely just frustrating bottling up.
Ask reflective questions. Make sure they know you heard them. That goes farther than you think.
Share your opinion if allowed. This opens dialogue to figuring out if there's a solution.
Take action if action needs to be taken. When I first went to therapy, one of my biggest lessons was to know when I could take action versus when I could not. A lot of times we can not actually do anything in our position and while we can still care, thinking about it only makes the feelings worse.

Till next time- Dr. Mark

A topic I don't really see brought up within the circles of the autistic community I am a part of is the prevalence of self-medication. Considering the levels of stress that comes with being in a world that does not quite understand you and sometimes feels like its attacking you can lead to trying to find ways to cope. This can come in many different forms that may end up being unhealthy if not dealt with a psychologist. 

Today, I'm going to talk about my addiction to tobacco. I started dipping tobacco at 16 years old when some friends at the time suggested I try it. Everyone was doing it, so I didn't really see it as wrong, and my uncle and grandfather did it so why not try it. From the very first time, it felt like my brain slowed down. That I could just exist. Like any addiction it started as a one-off thing that I did when it was available. Being under-age with no job, it was quite hard to just acquire for myself. So, I just bummed it off of friends that had it. Due to the stress of growing up and knowing now the enviroment I was living in, the usage slowly increased in the first year. This increase led me to start buying it myself. This meant trying numerous gas stations in the area sometimes just to find the one that would not card me. I even learned that if I was scruffy, it was easier to not get carded. However, I was still limited in the time I could use as I knew it would get me in big trouble at home if I wasn't careful and potential even worse if the very christian school I attended found out. This hiding of this habit should of been the first sign that this habit was taking a turn for the worse. Usage really started to go up after I turned 18, since it was legal and I could obtain it anywhere I wanted. Then I moved to college, where I had somewhat free reign to use whenever I wanted.

The first year of college, my usage increased significantly as stress from social situations and school increased significantly. I also started attending college parties where alcohol was being drunk. Ill recount my alcohol use in a later post, just know now that I have been sober for about 8 years and getting away from dipping was a big contributor to that. During college, I set up this routine where I would end up dipping 4-5 times a day. I'd wake up and dip, have one after lunch, one before dinner and one to cap off the night. The fifth would be in between somewhere depending on the stress of the day. This habit forced me to be less physically and socially active as I felt I needed to be in my dwelling place to do it due to the stigma I felt behind the habit. I am not sure when I first decided that this habit was detrimental to me, but I do remember trying to quit numerous times in college and not being able to go a day without it. 

My usage went down after graduating undergrad as I started working. Having to be in a specific location for long durations really slowed down the times I could dip. Though after about a year from school, I enrolled into graduate school and quit working to ensure that I stayed in due to having a conditional acceptance. Usage rate then increased back to where it was for the next couple years. Until I moved back home after a issue with my graduation. I started working again, now a full-time job. A full 8 hours away from a secluded place where I could not dip. Usage went down to just 2 times a day on weekdays. That year was quite stressful on me and went through had to feel some emotions I had not felt since my teenage years. During this year was when I decided to go and start doing business for myself.

Starting a business while dealing with emotions that you have not dealt with meant some of the most stressful days in that first year of the business. It also didn't help that I decided to just quit dipping because my position of a personal trainer, I felt it would be a bad look if I did not have healthy habits myself. I tried cold turkey, nope. I tried the gum, nope. I tried replacement dip, nope. Then I took a swing at the patches. It was really tough because even the patch with the most nicotine in it didn't satiate any part of the addiction. Thankfully, it worked just enough to wear after the first couple weeks, I just went cold turkey. That should have been another sign I was addicted. If I put my mind to something it gets done, the fact that I struggled so long with quiting and that once the nicotine levels in me decreased significantly, I could just stop. However the stress stayed and started to give me panic attacks. These panic attacks got me to the point where I knew I would eventually turn back to dipping, so I took the chance and went to a therapist. I was taught in therapy the reasoning for the stress I was going through and that it was natural and given many healthier modalities to deal with it so that I could function properly enough to live a life worth living.

I still do a lot of those stress relieving strategies on a daily basis because I know at any point the curiosity of using could get me to go out and get a can of dip. Hopefully my story can help others realize that its not too late or impossible to get out of very unhealthy habits.

​Til next tine- Dr. Mark

Dude! I graduated with a PhD this past weekend. A degree that is terminal. That means no more after. Lets break it down why its so significant to me.
Before I even started school, I was called the r-word just because I am dyspraxic and could not hold scissors like all the other kids. I may have not understood the words or heard them directly, but I know I felt that energy.
While most of elementary school went by just fine, after I moved, I started getting bullied and getting called stupid by my peers. This happened around my autism diagnosis so I was in the middle of an identity crisis and was being told I was certain things by professionals that did not exactly match my experiances up to that point, so I ended going along with what others told me about who I was. It was easier than trying to prove them wrong or show a more complex version of my being. This got me suspended from athletics once in high school due to poor grades so I learned how to just keep my head afloat. Luckily, I am a good test taker, so I managed to get conditionally accepted into college.
Then in second semester of freshman year, I freaked out and had a crisis of direction. Trying to hold on, I went to the career center looking for guidance. Bad advice. As I broke down in front of some random person, I was met with "maybe college is not for everyone?" Are you flipping kidding me!?!? Along with other situations, its no wonder my second year at college ended being my worst academic year ever.
Thankfully, I was able to create a goal. That goal was to join a fraternity (where majority of my friends were apart of). These guys showed me the path that I needed to achieve this goal and along the way found my passion in Kinesiology.
The rest is history but these parts played a significant part of who I am and why reaching the peak of something like academics was very important to me.